Zen master Bankei once said that if you try to wash out thoughts with more thoughts, it’s like washing blood with blood: you get rid of the old blood, only to have new blood replace it.
If you have homosexual obsessive compulsive disorder (HOCD), you may spend a large part of your life disturbed by thoughts about being homosexual, and these thoughts occupy a very large part of your attention. In this state, it is perfectly natural to want to “wash out” these thoughts with new, happy ones–probably involving being straight and having a “normal” life.
My question would be: how’s that strategy worked out for you so far?
When I first read Bankei’s quote, it resonated with my experience: sometimes, in following all sorts of bizarre reasoning, I would have moments of “peace,” but most of the time I was tortured by thoughts about homosexuality and always trying to “wash out” these repetitive thoughts with new ones.
I had to learn to make friends with my thoughts. I outline how I did so in my book: http://amzn.to/2mdtR81